So I am pretty sure 30 year old bartender enjoys my company for more reasons than just sex. At this point I am pretty much a, "sure thing" therefore I have to believe the affection he was showing last night while we were out was genuine and not some sort of ruse to try to get me into bed. Who the hell knows though. I have come to learn that I am not equipped with enough wisdom to try to figure out another human being let alone a human being with a penis.

I don't want a relationship but I do miss a lot of those things I am afraid only come as dealer options in the boyfriend/girlfriend model. Things like, falling asleep with and waking up next to someone. Having someone make and serve me breakfast. And then there is the whole, starting a movie but not being able to finish because you cant keep your hands off one another phenomenon. And by wanting those things, I cant help but wonder if making grand statements about NOT wanting a relationship is a fucking lie I am telling myself so those days and nights when I would rather be with someone it doesn't feel so lonely.

I have not yet learned the rules of engagement nor have I mastered the delicate dance single people are required to participate in. I have been on my own for about three weeks now and I am already tired.