i met a doctor. a single doctor. a cute doctor.

i seriously give up...its been a long time since i have felt this vulnerable. this violated. this betrayed. this dirty. this small.

i cant close my eyes because its ALL i see. and to most it might not be a big deal but its a big deal to me and all i want to do is shower and re-evaluate how i conduct myself and make the person that apparently would "allow" such behavior to disappear down a never-ending well.

i seriously just want to claw my brain out right now...

perhaps, maybe, one of these days I will find exactly what it is i am looking for. or perhaps, maybe, one of these days i will admit to myself that i am perpetually disenchanted with whatever it is i find.